I just had to point out, that on Dec 23, 2013, I have watched this film. And I believe it’s one of the best movies I’ve seen this year. Probably the best for me. A movie that’s really close to my heart. As in, closest to the truth.
And now, I have a movie to watch for Valentine’s Day 2014.
That I can be my own light. Based from my previous entry, I can also be my worst enemy. anyway, woke up and my first thought was, “It’s okay, because there will be a greater love.” Then that’s the hope.
So on a lighternote, even though I get sad most of the times, I learn to depend on my own happiness too. Like how in every darkness, I turn it around. Yep, the mind is really a powerful thing. 🙂
Catching Fire was so depressing. Loved the acting though, and the story, maybe I should read the book. On a darker note…
“Love is like oxygen” Yep, felt that while watching the movie and while on the way back to the dorm. I felt like I was choking. My birthday’s coming up soon, and I’m wondering how I’m gonna survive another year. I’m giving up. I’m  becoming desperate again. I’m giving up that one dream of my life. It seems impossible. how can I find someone if that someone, I realized, is me? And I kept whispering the other day, “what have you done? what have you done?”
So how am I going to survive another year? It seems like a torture. But on a lighter note, I would like to live it like it’s my last year of life. How? I don’t know yet. But I can see myself, closing in again like turtle, and keeping everyone out.
I have lived for a decade and can you imagine, 10 years of torture. But i lived, i learned, i learned that was the most important thing. And I’ve met people, I’ve smiled. But I keep coming back.
But there is someone. I have you.
Im still awake. Shedding a few tears. I realized some things. I dont wanna ever be close to someone ever again because i want my very bestfriend to be the One, my lover, my Heaven. Because i want someone whom i can trust, and who would never let me down. And guess what, yes friends will always be there but lets be honest, they have their own lives… So anyway, here i am talking about all i want, like duh, of course id give that someone my whole heart. And that is everything.
I want to say. Fuckitty Fuckers Fuckky. Yes. hahahaha. I am angry, hateful towards the people whom I’ve trusted but have disregarded my feelings. I hope they wouldnt use my sensitivity as an excuse to the things they did. Â There is no such thing as YOLO. That’s only for stupid, irresponsible people. I am not sensitive. What you did was just wrong in every angle imaginable. Being drunk isnt an excuse. Why get drunk in the first place? there is such a thing as choice and control. And you have chosen to lose control.
there is no excuse.
When all of this is over, after my exams, I’m really gonna get drunk! I don’t know if it’s gonna be with friends, but not with those people, but im surely gonna get drunk. Cry, swim deep in the ocean and stay there, and wallow in despair. Cos i havent had time to do that cos i needed to be strong for myself in order to pass my exams. So after all of this, after I pass Surgery and Pharmacology. I’m gonna get drunk! WOOHOOOO!!!
I always say that i dont forget and i dont forgive. For the past year, i think i have learned to forgive. love and forgiveness was my peg. Unfortunately, it was a wrong move. So i am back to not forgetting nor forgiving.
Anyway, i am currently studying surgery, i have a test on Tuesday 🙂 and a last exam on pharmacology to prove my worth!!! And yes, i wont get kicked out of my school already! Yippie!!!
While hugging you, and whispering in your ear.
Hi, how are you? I missed you. I love you so much. Are you happy? I’m happy just holding you. I can almost feel you. I love you. I hope you’re okay. I wish, you could take me away from all of this. I hope you can hear me. I love you. And you know what that means.
I love you, that’s all there ever is.
I don’t know how but I managed to live through this day. I think covering for the Mr. and Ms. Medicine Coronation Night was pre-determined, a good decision. It gave me a purpose for the day, and enjoyed myself.
I was almost breaking into pieces when I started the day. if I were a glass, I’d literally break. I was almost losing it. How is it that when you’re feeling too sad, or breaking, you’ll feel actual pain, and this manifests as a pain in your chest, in your heart?
When we were growing we’d always associate the heart as the center of our feelings. But eventually we outgrow this and learn otherwise.
But when you’re in pain, emotional pain, you really hold on to your chest no?
Like what I felt today. I’ve been holding onto my heart, keeping it together.
Stories over a cup of tea. 